Moving Forward

Is it OK and possible to forget our past to move freely into our future? Lately I have been making efforts to make amends with some things and people in my life. Not quite sure what it is but I have been in a mood to forgive and forget. I guess I feel like it is something I need to do to continue my journey to my true self as well as heal. I have to tell you it makes me feel better even if people think I am crazy for doing it. Life is too short to hold grudges or be angry. I used to abide by the simple rule, Never go to bed angry. A few times recently I have, and I am sad at myself for doing so. You never know what might happen when you wake up the next morning and I just can't bare having a thought like that take over my entire being.

I have come to the conclusion that things happen, some of them out of my control, some of them I have brought on myself. For some time now, I have been holding some things from my past on my present plate, which continues to hold me in my past and not allow me to move into my present. I want to say I have forgiven some things but not so easily forgotten about them. I hold on to them so tight thinking for some reason they will go away when the time is right or I will just forget what it was I was holding on to. For some reason it was like a security blanket, like I was giving away my plate of pride or giving away myself by letting things go.
Right now I feel that as an important part of my growth and healing I need to forgive AND forget! So I have been trying to work it into my daily routine and it has felt really good. As Dr. Brian Weiss so nicely put it "We have no right to abruptly halt people's live before they have lived out their karma." Basically, to me this means that we have no right to choose how people are punished for the things they do, that it is up to someone else how they will be punished.

When speaking with a friend the other night we got around to the word Sorry. Ugh that word, to me such an overused word I hardly think people really understanding the meaning of it better yet mean it when they say it. I have been trying to say it less for some time now, consciously it is working, habitually it is not. My friend was kind enough to explain that he would rather the person who has done wrong, learn the lesson of what they had committed instead of apologize; this would mean more to him. I think I might have to adopt what he said, though there have been times when I want someone to feel how I feel, hurt, disappointment, resentment, guilt, anger you know all the things saints aren't made of. But I guess I would feel bad if someone had those feelings, because I know how I feel with them and man they just aren't well digested.

I am trying to learn my lessons; screaming and yelling at someone does not solve anything, in fact the other day I got into a large fight with someone very close to me. It was UGLY. I have to admit I had all those above feelings and I didn't quite know how to compose myself. Yelling was the only way I thought my point would come across, and well I was just plain angry. As I was in the middle of my rant, I was walking into my bathroom which really is not large at all, I somehow slipped, both feet out from under me and crashed right into the glass standing shower. Gashed my knee on the metal molding and was completely laid out. Now, to an onlooker this is an "Oh goodness are you alright? moment with possibly a laughing ending. To me it was a sign, it was a higher power telling me to chill the hell out that I am wasting a ton of energy having such an argument and for what? It could not have been any clearer to me, I immediately asked if I could call back in a few minutes, picked myself up off the bathroom floor, cleaned up my knee, took a deep breath and called back. The first thing out of my mouth was "I don't want to fight any more." Thankfully he agreed and after that moment I decided it is time to just let things go.