Recently I came across an article I had saved in a file thinking I would come across it again in life when I was"meant" to, and here it was. Years later and I was rereading what I think I got out of it the first time but still living exactly the same way I was the first time I read it.
For years I have been telling friends, people I would meet and colleagues "you should drink champagne with your lunch or dinner today." They would look at me with this look on their face like why would I want to spend that kind of money to have a glass of champagne (because we all know when you open a bottle of champagne you can't just have one glass you need to finish the bottle.) It never tastes as good as when you first open it; the bubbles that tickle your nose, the sweetness, the tingles it gives you, that sheepish feel good feeling, yup, champagne is meant to be drank as soon as it is opened. And besides, I know going through their head is, champagne is for celebrations, weddings, christenings, anniversaries, birthdays, but why not life in general? Ed Hardy put it simply, "Death is certain, Life is not." Why can't we celebrate being alive, conquering a challenge, achieving a long-term goal we have set for ourselves? Better yet why do we always have to drink champagne to celebrate someone else? Why can't we toast ourselves, our life choices?
I took a trip not too long ago to Vegas, while there of course I went shopping. I stopped in a store, new UK based boutique, one I had just come across on the Internet and never knew there were actual locations in the states. I walked in and was immediately greeted by a friendly employee, it made me feel so comfortable I immediately sought out something to try on. While doing so the friendly employee offered me some chocolate ( a woman of good taste never passes up a chocolate offering). Liking what I had tried on I decided to make a purchase, while at the register preparing to pay I was then offered a glass of champagne. I accepted with a smile, I wanted to celebrate my new purchase. I find this to be a rising trend in some places. Trendy high end jean stores, as well as to designers. They know how to celebrate! Now I am sure they also think the more sauced up they get you the more you are likely to purchase, but you know what, I will if it means celebrating my life choices.
So as we all know, instead of putting those new things we purchase in the closet with the tags on or keeping those dusty bottles of wine in the cellar to age, break them out and use them before you don't wake up one morning. Same goes to all those ladies that are married and have their wedding dresses in a box in cold storage. Sit on your couch, use them for Halloween, make something out of them, eat macaroni and cheese in them but for heavens sake use them. At some point it will be too late to wonder why you held on to so much and how you didn't live life.
This is not meant to be depressing but eye opening. We get so caught up in everyday life we forget, just like we forget to say "Thank you" or "I love you" regularly. So save this article, put it somewhere when on a low day or in the middle of the week or at some other point in life you come across it...again.
Friday, October 17, 2008
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Ladies...All the Ladies, Louder now, help me out :-)
This is so important I have to put it on my blog because I feel so lucky to have such friends in my life. I want the world to know how lucky I am:
To All My Loving and Caring Lady Friends,
I know I have fallen off the ship here for a bit, but I am starting to climb back up into the boat and dry out, or get my life back in order. I have to start with just one big heart felt Thank you, because without all of you I would still be fighting the tide.
Each one of you has been a Godsend to me; I have to be mushy here so all you sapless ladies just hold on, the tears won't last and they won't make you melt. :-) It has been a tough go for me the past few weeks and without each of you my head would still be on a pillow, in my bed in my three day old Pj's, watching sad love stories and going through boxes and boxes of tissues. But since we all know life doesn't wait for us nor does it work like that I need you to know you all have been the most important thing in my life -to use a borrowed term- my safety net. But times are a changing and it is time to start fresh. I know all of you are shaking your heads.
Here comes the sappy part. But just a quick FYI - I don't use names in my blog, I feel it speaks to everyone but those I am really talking to know who they are. It helps with not having to ask permission every time I use one of your names in a story. So if you have questions or aren't sure just ask. I have contacted you all for a reason so you're in here. Knowing that we are all geographically challenged, even though I am in NY some of you are in Manhattan, I couldn't think of a better time in my life to bring all my important ladies together. I truly believe there is a reason for everything and here are the reasons so far:
1. There was a reason why things happened when they did while I was in LA, so that two people from different parts of my life could be there to hold me up. So that they could meet and hopefully help one another out...my gift to you ladies, another friend on the friend belt.
2. There was a reason that I came back to NY when I did. Though I needed convincing, there was a reason I ended up in a NYC apartment celebrating what was supposed to be the Kentucky Derby. And though I had not kept in touch with two brilliant, wonderful, full of life ladies, that thought never crossed their mind when they saw me, all they could do was hug me as we all jumped up and down happy to be back together again. They then gave me a swift talking to :-)
3. There is a reason my running career was put on hold, because now after almost three years I am back in the same area with one of the best runners in the world who I know is going to kick my ass back into shape and we are going to start our normal running routine where she drags me up hills and I curse her.
4. There is a reason another lady is moving to NYC, who feels it is a time in her life to take a big step and shake off some things that may have held her back. She has been a pillar of strength and though we don't see one another as much as we used to, I know I can always run to her and she will knock the wasted energy out of me. Five Am dance off anyone?
5. There is a reason I have not reached out to a lady I used to have my crazy life with. Because I know she will knock my head sideways if she knew I was wasting my time on such garbage but she would laugh while I cried and say that is kind of funny Dee, but man that sucks. Then we would go on to talk about what would be the best bottle of booze to fix the problem.
6. There is a reason one tenacious woman has been calling me two to three times a day and never reaching me but damn she continues to call even if it kills her. This one is full of love and would give everything she owned to one of her friends...I know she is trying to give me an escape plan to come and live with her in her southern home just so I can make her my homemade lemonade on a regular basis. Lady, I am going to call you, you just keep missing each other. You as everyone else, deserve 100 percent of my undivided attention.
7. There is a reason why I gave up on myself for running the most recent marathon I had registered for, I would have taken my friend away from her studies which is truly more important then me bunking up with her for the weekend. She needed to study for finals so that she could graduate from law school while be a full time mommy, a full-time wife, a full-time student and a full-time friend. Go get em!
Each of you is so important these little reasons are just reasons for the moment, but the reasons for a lifetime, no words could explain that. I use to sit in bed when I was younger and wonder who I would ask to be in my wedding. I have no sisters so the choice was difficult. But I felt the people that I would ask to be in my wedding had to be the most important people in my life, had to know me, my history. There is no shortage of that here, I have more love, more life, more memories then I could ever imagine. So I know it is not friend month, but sometimes when we get stuck in the daily ordinaries of this life, we forget to thank people. I have been trying to thank everyone because everyday, is a precious one.
On this note, I love you all dearly. There is not a moment I wish we could be together. For all of you I want to let you know if there is anything you ever need or anything I can ever do for any of you, please know you can always count on me. I may not be the closest friend but one of the most important none-the-less. You are all stuck with me in your lives, never hesitate, never worry, and never be sorry; friends are here for a reason and we just don't feel of good use unless we are asked to do something to help out every now and then, no matter what the task.
Though this will never say all I really need it to or mean it to, I hope it opens the worlds eyes to how lucky I am and how grateful I am every day.
All my love to my ladies!
To All My Loving and Caring Lady Friends,
I know I have fallen off the ship here for a bit, but I am starting to climb back up into the boat and dry out, or get my life back in order. I have to start with just one big heart felt Thank you, because without all of you I would still be fighting the tide.
Each one of you has been a Godsend to me; I have to be mushy here so all you sapless ladies just hold on, the tears won't last and they won't make you melt. :-) It has been a tough go for me the past few weeks and without each of you my head would still be on a pillow, in my bed in my three day old Pj's, watching sad love stories and going through boxes and boxes of tissues. But since we all know life doesn't wait for us nor does it work like that I need you to know you all have been the most important thing in my life -to use a borrowed term- my safety net. But times are a changing and it is time to start fresh. I know all of you are shaking your heads.
Here comes the sappy part. But just a quick FYI - I don't use names in my blog, I feel it speaks to everyone but those I am really talking to know who they are. It helps with not having to ask permission every time I use one of your names in a story. So if you have questions or aren't sure just ask. I have contacted you all for a reason so you're in here. Knowing that we are all geographically challenged, even though I am in NY some of you are in Manhattan, I couldn't think of a better time in my life to bring all my important ladies together. I truly believe there is a reason for everything and here are the reasons so far:
1. There was a reason why things happened when they did while I was in LA, so that two people from different parts of my life could be there to hold me up. So that they could meet and hopefully help one another out...my gift to you ladies, another friend on the friend belt.
2. There was a reason that I came back to NY when I did. Though I needed convincing, there was a reason I ended up in a NYC apartment celebrating what was supposed to be the Kentucky Derby. And though I had not kept in touch with two brilliant, wonderful, full of life ladies, that thought never crossed their mind when they saw me, all they could do was hug me as we all jumped up and down happy to be back together again. They then gave me a swift talking to :-)
3. There is a reason my running career was put on hold, because now after almost three years I am back in the same area with one of the best runners in the world who I know is going to kick my ass back into shape and we are going to start our normal running routine where she drags me up hills and I curse her.
4. There is a reason another lady is moving to NYC, who feels it is a time in her life to take a big step and shake off some things that may have held her back. She has been a pillar of strength and though we don't see one another as much as we used to, I know I can always run to her and she will knock the wasted energy out of me. Five Am dance off anyone?
5. There is a reason I have not reached out to a lady I used to have my crazy life with. Because I know she will knock my head sideways if she knew I was wasting my time on such garbage but she would laugh while I cried and say that is kind of funny Dee, but man that sucks. Then we would go on to talk about what would be the best bottle of booze to fix the problem.
6. There is a reason one tenacious woman has been calling me two to three times a day and never reaching me but damn she continues to call even if it kills her. This one is full of love and would give everything she owned to one of her friends...I know she is trying to give me an escape plan to come and live with her in her southern home just so I can make her my homemade lemonade on a regular basis. Lady, I am going to call you, you just keep missing each other. You as everyone else, deserve 100 percent of my undivided attention.
7. There is a reason why I gave up on myself for running the most recent marathon I had registered for, I would have taken my friend away from her studies which is truly more important then me bunking up with her for the weekend. She needed to study for finals so that she could graduate from law school while be a full time mommy, a full-time wife, a full-time student and a full-time friend. Go get em!
Each of you is so important these little reasons are just reasons for the moment, but the reasons for a lifetime, no words could explain that. I use to sit in bed when I was younger and wonder who I would ask to be in my wedding. I have no sisters so the choice was difficult. But I felt the people that I would ask to be in my wedding had to be the most important people in my life, had to know me, my history. There is no shortage of that here, I have more love, more life, more memories then I could ever imagine. So I know it is not friend month, but sometimes when we get stuck in the daily ordinaries of this life, we forget to thank people. I have been trying to thank everyone because everyday, is a precious one.
On this note, I love you all dearly. There is not a moment I wish we could be together. For all of you I want to let you know if there is anything you ever need or anything I can ever do for any of you, please know you can always count on me. I may not be the closest friend but one of the most important none-the-less. You are all stuck with me in your lives, never hesitate, never worry, and never be sorry; friends are here for a reason and we just don't feel of good use unless we are asked to do something to help out every now and then, no matter what the task.
Though this will never say all I really need it to or mean it to, I hope it opens the worlds eyes to how lucky I am and how grateful I am every day.
All my love to my ladies!
Monday, June 2, 2008
To Blame or not to Blame.
It has been a while for me, guess I wasn't feeling so writey -I know it isn't a word-. But I had a big experience about a week ago that I won't bore you with the details of, however, it was enough to realize I need to start taking responsibility for my own actions.
Typically, I find when I do something wrong, I tend to blame. Mostly myself but lately I have been wanting to blame other people. It is as if things will be better if we put the hurt and anger on someone else, as if they are the ones that really hurt us. It gives our ego a way out of things, out of feeling what the real feelings are. Here is the thing I am learning, blame, is a WASTE of time. Blaming does not change you, who you are, what you have done, or the lesson you should be learning. Blame only makes you feel bad or pity yourself. Taking responsibility allows you to evolve, which in turn allows you to move forward. Everything happens for a reason, when you figure out the reason gratitude should follow because then you won't allow yourself to fail again or recreate the same situation. When you learn from a bad experience, and take responsibility, then you can make a conscious commitment to live your life differently and all those feelings of grief, anger, hurt and resentment should disappear.
I had to learn this by feeling those nasty feelings. I was hurt, frustrated, disappointed and just plain angry. I thought that by just allowing myself to feel those feelings I would feel better. Well, feeling those feelings, went right out the window I succumbed fully to those feelings and flew off the handle. Something no one would or could imagine I would ever do. It was Ugly. Did I feel guilty and horrible the next day, absolutely, did I blame myself for acting that way, absolutely, did I want to blame other people for making me feel those nasty feelings that made me act that way, absolutely. Did I ever take responsibility for rash and out of control moments, oops, nope I forgot that step. I felt like it was something I needed to do. Just throw it all out there, put up the white flag and surrender to all the insane emotions I was having and clean the system out. I think deep down I thought if I get it all out, it will go away forever and it will take all the other hurt I have away with it. No, it only made me feel worse, and feel worse about myself.
It was blame, I was trying to make another person see how badly I was hurt by them that I tried to blame them for how I was feeling. When really, I was the one who was responsible for letting them hurt me and make me feel that way. I naturally apologized but as you all have read from my other blog, the word sorry just doesn't mean much unless you have learned the lesson.
Sadly, I don't think I learned the lesson the next day. I was still slightly jaded by the past nights actions. Today though, today, I learned the lesson. So even though after almost two weeks of thinking about this and using a quote by Timothy Leary to justify my behavior, which references the effects of extreme alterations in one's state of consciousness "sometimes you just need to blow out the pipes so that the psyche can illuminate life clearly," I realized, though that may be so, I need to stop blaming other people and start realizing it was me the whole time that caused my own grief.
Typically, I find when I do something wrong, I tend to blame. Mostly myself but lately I have been wanting to blame other people. It is as if things will be better if we put the hurt and anger on someone else, as if they are the ones that really hurt us. It gives our ego a way out of things, out of feeling what the real feelings are. Here is the thing I am learning, blame, is a WASTE of time. Blaming does not change you, who you are, what you have done, or the lesson you should be learning. Blame only makes you feel bad or pity yourself. Taking responsibility allows you to evolve, which in turn allows you to move forward. Everything happens for a reason, when you figure out the reason gratitude should follow because then you won't allow yourself to fail again or recreate the same situation. When you learn from a bad experience, and take responsibility, then you can make a conscious commitment to live your life differently and all those feelings of grief, anger, hurt and resentment should disappear.
I had to learn this by feeling those nasty feelings. I was hurt, frustrated, disappointed and just plain angry. I thought that by just allowing myself to feel those feelings I would feel better. Well, feeling those feelings, went right out the window I succumbed fully to those feelings and flew off the handle. Something no one would or could imagine I would ever do. It was Ugly. Did I feel guilty and horrible the next day, absolutely, did I blame myself for acting that way, absolutely, did I want to blame other people for making me feel those nasty feelings that made me act that way, absolutely. Did I ever take responsibility for rash and out of control moments, oops, nope I forgot that step. I felt like it was something I needed to do. Just throw it all out there, put up the white flag and surrender to all the insane emotions I was having and clean the system out. I think deep down I thought if I get it all out, it will go away forever and it will take all the other hurt I have away with it. No, it only made me feel worse, and feel worse about myself.
It was blame, I was trying to make another person see how badly I was hurt by them that I tried to blame them for how I was feeling. When really, I was the one who was responsible for letting them hurt me and make me feel that way. I naturally apologized but as you all have read from my other blog, the word sorry just doesn't mean much unless you have learned the lesson.
Sadly, I don't think I learned the lesson the next day. I was still slightly jaded by the past nights actions. Today though, today, I learned the lesson. So even though after almost two weeks of thinking about this and using a quote by Timothy Leary to justify my behavior, which references the effects of extreme alterations in one's state of consciousness "sometimes you just need to blow out the pipes so that the psyche can illuminate life clearly," I realized, though that may be so, I need to stop blaming other people and start realizing it was me the whole time that caused my own grief.
Friday, May 23, 2008
New York....Helloooooo Lover!
Who thought I would return to this city? For years I tried to fight it, fought it in my head for a long time. All the while watching movies filmed in Manhattan, it was like having a long distance relationship...not really fulfilling, but DC and I were done. Time was up and I needed to change cities. It was the perfect exit, DC and I had a long affair but NY, NY and I are in love. I am visiting DC for the weekend and being here has made me realize I am finally ready; NY and I are going to start going steady. :-)
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Moving Forward
Is it OK and possible to forget our past to move freely into our future? Lately I have been making efforts to make amends with some things and people in my life. Not quite sure what it is but I have been in a mood to forgive and forget. I guess I feel like it is something I need to do to continue my journey to my true self as well as heal. I have to tell you it makes me feel better even if people think I am crazy for doing it. Life is too short to hold grudges or be angry. I used to abide by the simple rule, Never go to bed angry. A few times recently I have, and I am sad at myself for doing so. You never know what might happen when you wake up the next morning and I just can't bare having a thought like that take over my entire being.
I have come to the conclusion that things happen, some of them out of my control, some of them I have brought on myself. For some time now, I have been holding some things from my past on my present plate, which continues to hold me in my past and not allow me to move into my present. I want to say I have forgiven some things but not so easily forgotten about them. I hold on to them so tight thinking for some reason they will go away when the time is right or I will just forget what it was I was holding on to. For some reason it was like a security blanket, like I was giving away my plate of pride or giving away myself by letting things go.
Right now I feel that as an important part of my growth and healing I need to forgive AND forget! So I have been trying to work it into my daily routine and it has felt really good. As Dr. Brian Weiss so nicely put it "We have no right to abruptly halt people's live before they have lived out their karma." Basically, to me this means that we have no right to choose how people are punished for the things they do, that it is up to someone else how they will be punished.
When speaking with a friend the other night we got around to the word Sorry. Ugh that word, to me such an overused word I hardly think people really understanding the meaning of it better yet mean it when they say it. I have been trying to say it less for some time now, consciously it is working, habitually it is not. My friend was kind enough to explain that he would rather the person who has done wrong, learn the lesson of what they had committed instead of apologize; this would mean more to him. I think I might have to adopt what he said, though there have been times when I want someone to feel how I feel, hurt, disappointment, resentment, guilt, anger you know all the things saints aren't made of. But I guess I would feel bad if someone had those feelings, because I know how I feel with them and man they just aren't well digested.
I am trying to learn my lessons; screaming and yelling at someone does not solve anything, in fact the other day I got into a large fight with someone very close to me. It was UGLY. I have to admit I had all those above feelings and I didn't quite know how to compose myself. Yelling was the only way I thought my point would come across, and well I was just plain angry. As I was in the middle of my rant, I was walking into my bathroom which really is not large at all, I somehow slipped, both feet out from under me and crashed right into the glass standing shower. Gashed my knee on the metal molding and was completely laid out. Now, to an onlooker this is an "Oh goodness are you alright? moment with possibly a laughing ending. To me it was a sign, it was a higher power telling me to chill the hell out that I am wasting a ton of energy having such an argument and for what? It could not have been any clearer to me, I immediately asked if I could call back in a few minutes, picked myself up off the bathroom floor, cleaned up my knee, took a deep breath and called back. The first thing out of my mouth was "I don't want to fight any more." Thankfully he agreed and after that moment I decided it is time to just let things go.
I have come to the conclusion that things happen, some of them out of my control, some of them I have brought on myself. For some time now, I have been holding some things from my past on my present plate, which continues to hold me in my past and not allow me to move into my present. I want to say I have forgiven some things but not so easily forgotten about them. I hold on to them so tight thinking for some reason they will go away when the time is right or I will just forget what it was I was holding on to. For some reason it was like a security blanket, like I was giving away my plate of pride or giving away myself by letting things go.
Right now I feel that as an important part of my growth and healing I need to forgive AND forget! So I have been trying to work it into my daily routine and it has felt really good. As Dr. Brian Weiss so nicely put it "We have no right to abruptly halt people's live before they have lived out their karma." Basically, to me this means that we have no right to choose how people are punished for the things they do, that it is up to someone else how they will be punished.
When speaking with a friend the other night we got around to the word Sorry. Ugh that word, to me such an overused word I hardly think people really understanding the meaning of it better yet mean it when they say it. I have been trying to say it less for some time now, consciously it is working, habitually it is not. My friend was kind enough to explain that he would rather the person who has done wrong, learn the lesson of what they had committed instead of apologize; this would mean more to him. I think I might have to adopt what he said, though there have been times when I want someone to feel how I feel, hurt, disappointment, resentment, guilt, anger you know all the things saints aren't made of. But I guess I would feel bad if someone had those feelings, because I know how I feel with them and man they just aren't well digested.
I am trying to learn my lessons; screaming and yelling at someone does not solve anything, in fact the other day I got into a large fight with someone very close to me. It was UGLY. I have to admit I had all those above feelings and I didn't quite know how to compose myself. Yelling was the only way I thought my point would come across, and well I was just plain angry. As I was in the middle of my rant, I was walking into my bathroom which really is not large at all, I somehow slipped, both feet out from under me and crashed right into the glass standing shower. Gashed my knee on the metal molding and was completely laid out. Now, to an onlooker this is an "Oh goodness are you alright? moment with possibly a laughing ending. To me it was a sign, it was a higher power telling me to chill the hell out that I am wasting a ton of energy having such an argument and for what? It could not have been any clearer to me, I immediately asked if I could call back in a few minutes, picked myself up off the bathroom floor, cleaned up my knee, took a deep breath and called back. The first thing out of my mouth was "I don't want to fight any more." Thankfully he agreed and after that moment I decided it is time to just let things go.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
On the Go
I graduated college exactly 8 years ago on Mother's Day. Since then I have been on the go; going to work, going to social events, moving -cause we all know when we are young living in one place for more then a year is unacceptable-, going on interviews for a new job, going away for weekends to visit our college friends, going on trips because we are young and afraid that when we get a job we will never have the chance to go backpacking in Europe again. I have to say I have been on the go pretty much all my life.
So recently I relocated back to New York, where I grew up. I was in Washington DC for 10 years. I had been toying with the idea of coming back to New York for a while, just had some things that kept my stapled to DC, love of course. Ah Amore what it can do to you. But really, that was the only reason I was in DC, I had decided I would look for jobs down there and if nothing came along by May I would go back to New York and start fresh in a new city.
Well, here I am. since I have been back in New York I have had nothing but time. It is the first time in 10 years I have NOT been on the go. It is the first time I have ever had so much time for myself, to do nothing or do something. As one of friends put it, I am one of the "original dream teamers." Apparently an old school term for someone who doesn't have a job but has a lot of free time :-). I kind of liked the idea, for about a week, being able to go wherever I wanted at any time of day, sleeping in if I wanted -though really that never happened-, going running in the morning and again in the afternoon, spending four hours out Kayaking to no place in particular, going to wine tastings in Penthouses in top New York hotels in the middle of the day. Yeah Dream Teamer might be a good way to put it because I am "Living the Dream."
This made me turn my attention to the fact that I can't live this way forever, I need to get a job. So I would get up every morning and send out a bunch of emails to friends, cover letters and resumes to places I really wanted to work all for what? To go back out and play at the end of the day because there were no bites. I decided it was time to change my way of thinking, or just maybe my way of life in general.
My hair dresser had recommended a life coach a long time ago, at the time I thought therapy would be better choice as I was losing my mind trying so hard to figure out what it was I was supposed to be doing(LOL). But then I realized she might be right someone with an unbiased perspective could be very good therapy, unless of course you want the drugs :-). Only problem was I just didn't feel a connection with the coach she recommended. Anyone that knows me knows I truly believe in the energy of people. I can walk into a room and in an instant know who I do or don't want to be around. It is just knowing yourself and knowing who's energy fits with yours, but that is a whole other topic. In any case I let the idea of a life coach go.
I went to LA to visit my best friend and while there met up with my childhood best friend, who's energy I will tell you, will suck you in whether you want it to or not. Full of charisma that girl. Things for us have never changed, again we were able to just pick up where we left off. Anyway I keep going off in tangents, see this is how my mind works...She had been working with a life coach and she loved her. I thought hell why not. Now I know this sounds funny, but it goes with any form of self help, when you want a therapist, a running coach, a spiritual guide it is like going on a first date. You have to interview them. Your ideals and beliefs can be so different, how can someone help you find the very best you if you are constantly disagreeing with what they have to say to you? I instantly fell in love with this woman. She had such a serene tone (oh just in case I didn't mention, we work over the phone she is on the other side of the country), such a calming way about her I couldn't help but just want to hand her my life and say go, go wherever you want with it. We have had two sessions now, and I have to say it has been very eye opening, I want to cry sometimes thinking about things, but then I get angry about it and then by the time I am done with the one hour session I am so exhausted from having to think about everything all I can do is lay on the floor and wish it would all just be written on the wall for me.
In any case she and I are working on NOT finding a job but finding my RIGHT life, which will apparently bring me the job and all the other stuff. Which for now includes those four hour kayaking sessions, car dancing on my way to get frozen yogurt, being grounded which means standing in the grass in my backyard barefoot and any other thing a child would do but that as adults we forget life is all about. So in a very long blog I urge everyone to stop being "On the Go" so much and to take this into consideration:
Tao-
Stop Chasing
Stop Filling
Stop Amassing
Then when you put this in your head read The Tao of Pooh it will give you all the answers with a fun look on life. Just as I get homework with the life coach, I too will give homework, today on your Sunday, go out and do something a five year old would do. Yes you will look around before you do it and make sure no one is watching, then you might do it a little and then stop and look around again and then you might do it a whole lot. This morning, I started my morning off with a long run. A typical day for me but the end of the run was not typical, I pretended I was racing someone, like a little kid laughing I ran as hard and as fast as I could through a pretend tape. When I had finished and won the race, I did a stupid little celebration dance and put my hands to my ears and made a face at my fake opponent. Yes, childish she still makes faces. :-)
So recently I relocated back to New York, where I grew up. I was in Washington DC for 10 years. I had been toying with the idea of coming back to New York for a while, just had some things that kept my stapled to DC, love of course. Ah Amore what it can do to you. But really, that was the only reason I was in DC, I had decided I would look for jobs down there and if nothing came along by May I would go back to New York and start fresh in a new city.
Well, here I am. since I have been back in New York I have had nothing but time. It is the first time in 10 years I have NOT been on the go. It is the first time I have ever had so much time for myself, to do nothing or do something. As one of friends put it, I am one of the "original dream teamers." Apparently an old school term for someone who doesn't have a job but has a lot of free time :-). I kind of liked the idea, for about a week, being able to go wherever I wanted at any time of day, sleeping in if I wanted -though really that never happened-, going running in the morning and again in the afternoon, spending four hours out Kayaking to no place in particular, going to wine tastings in Penthouses in top New York hotels in the middle of the day. Yeah Dream Teamer might be a good way to put it because I am "Living the Dream."
This made me turn my attention to the fact that I can't live this way forever, I need to get a job. So I would get up every morning and send out a bunch of emails to friends, cover letters and resumes to places I really wanted to work all for what? To go back out and play at the end of the day because there were no bites. I decided it was time to change my way of thinking, or just maybe my way of life in general.
My hair dresser had recommended a life coach a long time ago, at the time I thought therapy would be better choice as I was losing my mind trying so hard to figure out what it was I was supposed to be doing(LOL). But then I realized she might be right someone with an unbiased perspective could be very good therapy, unless of course you want the drugs :-). Only problem was I just didn't feel a connection with the coach she recommended. Anyone that knows me knows I truly believe in the energy of people. I can walk into a room and in an instant know who I do or don't want to be around. It is just knowing yourself and knowing who's energy fits with yours, but that is a whole other topic. In any case I let the idea of a life coach go.
I went to LA to visit my best friend and while there met up with my childhood best friend, who's energy I will tell you, will suck you in whether you want it to or not. Full of charisma that girl. Things for us have never changed, again we were able to just pick up where we left off. Anyway I keep going off in tangents, see this is how my mind works...She had been working with a life coach and she loved her. I thought hell why not. Now I know this sounds funny, but it goes with any form of self help, when you want a therapist, a running coach, a spiritual guide it is like going on a first date. You have to interview them. Your ideals and beliefs can be so different, how can someone help you find the very best you if you are constantly disagreeing with what they have to say to you? I instantly fell in love with this woman. She had such a serene tone (oh just in case I didn't mention, we work over the phone she is on the other side of the country), such a calming way about her I couldn't help but just want to hand her my life and say go, go wherever you want with it. We have had two sessions now, and I have to say it has been very eye opening, I want to cry sometimes thinking about things, but then I get angry about it and then by the time I am done with the one hour session I am so exhausted from having to think about everything all I can do is lay on the floor and wish it would all just be written on the wall for me.
In any case she and I are working on NOT finding a job but finding my RIGHT life, which will apparently bring me the job and all the other stuff. Which for now includes those four hour kayaking sessions, car dancing on my way to get frozen yogurt, being grounded which means standing in the grass in my backyard barefoot and any other thing a child would do but that as adults we forget life is all about. So in a very long blog I urge everyone to stop being "On the Go" so much and to take this into consideration:
Tao-
Stop Chasing
Stop Filling
Stop Amassing
Then when you put this in your head read The Tao of Pooh it will give you all the answers with a fun look on life. Just as I get homework with the life coach, I too will give homework, today on your Sunday, go out and do something a five year old would do. Yes you will look around before you do it and make sure no one is watching, then you might do it a little and then stop and look around again and then you might do it a whole lot. This morning, I started my morning off with a long run. A typical day for me but the end of the run was not typical, I pretended I was racing someone, like a little kid laughing I ran as hard and as fast as I could through a pretend tape. When I had finished and won the race, I did a stupid little celebration dance and put my hands to my ears and made a face at my fake opponent. Yes, childish she still makes faces. :-)
Thursday, May 15, 2008
There Is A First Everything
I recently reconnected with a childhood friend of mine while visiting an adulthood friend. After spending some time together and catching up we both realized our love for food. She started telling me about all these wonderful food experiences she was having at all these great restaurants and felt that she could not remember everything so she decided to journal about them. The best way for her to journal about it was to start a blog. I could not believe it, so funny but I guess such a great thing to do. She can keep track of all her experiences and adventures as well as serve others with great recommendations. She is a terrific writer and I love going to her blog to see what kinds of fun experiences she had the night before, plus she always has a recommendation because she is the woman who has the "perfect" restaurant for everything. So she recommended I give blogging a try.
I have always liked to write, at one point I wanted to be a journalist, even toyed with the idea of writing a book. My problem is that I can't keep my mind focused on one particular thing long enough to write a chapter about it. This was the perfect opportunity for her to plug blogging again. It is a great way to write about whatever you want and for you it would be great, you can have short entries for those days where you mind feels all over the place. The thought of writing was great, I love to write, I journal a lot, but writing for other people? Hmmm this is going to be a challenge.
It got me to thinking about our firsts. Our first day of school, meeting our first friend, meeting our first "best" friend, our first sports event, our first crush, our first kiss, our first boyfriend/girlfriend, our first dance, the first break-up, our first fight with our first best friend and so many other firsts that I quickly started to realize "There is a First Everything."
So here I am starting my first blog, writing for no particular crowd but having a very exciting, liberating experience. I am excited to share things with whomever is interested and I hope people will share back. I feel as though everyday whether we think of it or not we have a first everything. Whether it is trying a new flavor ice-cream, coming out of our box and saying hello to a total stranger on the street, or just realizing a passion for a new found hobby. I feel alive and very passionate at the moment, I think this is going to be fun for me and I hope you out there will get a good laugh here and there.
Cheers to something new, coming out of the comfort zone of just writing for myself and throwing it all out there. But hey, please be patient while I navigate my way through posting things. The page may start out a little barren but I promise with help and time it will grow like a flower. Oh and on a final note, I have another first...Deleting my entire first blog :-). Yup, this is the second one. Ha ha, at least I can laugh about it though I am not in love with this entry the way I was in love with my first one.
Happy Friday!
I have always liked to write, at one point I wanted to be a journalist, even toyed with the idea of writing a book. My problem is that I can't keep my mind focused on one particular thing long enough to write a chapter about it. This was the perfect opportunity for her to plug blogging again. It is a great way to write about whatever you want and for you it would be great, you can have short entries for those days where you mind feels all over the place. The thought of writing was great, I love to write, I journal a lot, but writing for other people? Hmmm this is going to be a challenge.
It got me to thinking about our firsts. Our first day of school, meeting our first friend, meeting our first "best" friend, our first sports event, our first crush, our first kiss, our first boyfriend/girlfriend, our first dance, the first break-up, our first fight with our first best friend and so many other firsts that I quickly started to realize "There is a First Everything."
So here I am starting my first blog, writing for no particular crowd but having a very exciting, liberating experience. I am excited to share things with whomever is interested and I hope people will share back. I feel as though everyday whether we think of it or not we have a first everything. Whether it is trying a new flavor ice-cream, coming out of our box and saying hello to a total stranger on the street, or just realizing a passion for a new found hobby. I feel alive and very passionate at the moment, I think this is going to be fun for me and I hope you out there will get a good laugh here and there.
Cheers to something new, coming out of the comfort zone of just writing for myself and throwing it all out there. But hey, please be patient while I navigate my way through posting things. The page may start out a little barren but I promise with help and time it will grow like a flower. Oh and on a final note, I have another first...Deleting my entire first blog :-). Yup, this is the second one. Ha ha, at least I can laugh about it though I am not in love with this entry the way I was in love with my first one.
Happy Friday!
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